I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
