My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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