dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
