Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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