Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
