My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Your cock deserves a montage
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
