I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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