we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
