there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I will be naked everywhere
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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