Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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