At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
