Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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