He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
