and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
