I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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