Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
