the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
