my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
