I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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