I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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