you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
