Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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