Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We are two peas in an std pod
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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