I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
