Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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