So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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