i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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