You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
