You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
