why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
