If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
