he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
