I used to practice getting hit by cars.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
