I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
