I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
