is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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