You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
