Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
