i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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