Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
