if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
