I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
