apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
