i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
