i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
