We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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