Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
