im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
