All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
