Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
