i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
