I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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