Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
