I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Someone shattered a urinal.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
