I want to walk on stilts...naked
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
