At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
time to smoke my breakfast
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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