I only kidnapped one of them. chill
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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