my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
